Disconnected Day

I can usually tell within the first 45 seconds of Samantha being awake what kind of day we are going to have. If she's chattering and asking for something to eat, odds are we are going to be able to conquer anything we have to do that day. However, if she is playing "mindlessly" in her room and not asking for anything, I can bet we are going to have a "disconnected day." These are the days where it seems as though someone has cut the connection between reality and communication. Sam spends most of these days reciting Backyardigans episodes she has not seen in months, phone conversations she overheard a week ago, and our nightly bedtime routine. She struggles to make her needs and wants known with words and is at her most inflexible.

This morning was one such morning. The dog didn't come inside at the moment Sam felt she should and we had a screaming fit on our hands. She spent breakfast reciting something I still can't figure out. She asked for grapes then bit into each one, made a face, and spit each one out. (Any other day she loves grapes.) Yesterday if she wanted to color or play with Play Doh she came up and asked for them. Today she ran though the house crying holding her aqua doodle pen up as if she knew what she wanted but had no idea how to ask for it. Once Matt filled the pen with water for her, rather than the usual "bank you" of appreciation, he got a tearful "sorry, daddy."

It is so strange how even though Sam is totally disconnected, she's totally aware of it at the same time. She knows when it is harder for us to understand her and meet her needs. You can see and hear the frustration coming from her. Meanwhile, my blood pressure rises and my patience wears very thin.

I finally got her developmental pediatrician to put in a referral for an MRI. I know the odds of finding some random brain tumor that could be removed and fix all her issues is one in about a billion, but I need to know that we are approaching things from the right angle and that there is not a hidden problem we are unaware of. So here's to the rest of our day, and hoping we find the connection again.