Why me? We all ask it.

I think the question of "why me?" is one that we all ask in our lives over and over again. It's human nature to wonder if our circumstances are effects of previous actions or if there is a greater power causing things to come about in our lives for His own amusement. If we are able to answer "why me?" then we will be able to see the clear purpose of our life.

Not to be excluded from the inquiring minds who want to know, I ask this question myself. Even my best guess would probably be a far fetch from the real reason but I'll give it a shot. Some have told me that having a child of special need is a complement from God. That maybe He knows I am more compassionate, patient, pro-active, and understanding than other moms might be, and he knew that Sam would be better taken care of with me. While I appreciate the flattery, I am not really buying into this version. I don't know much but I do know that patience, understanding, and compassion are NOT (nor have ever been) my strong points. I almost feel just the opposite might be the reason. Maybe God saw that I needed a good lesson in those things and what better way to give me a dose of them than by giving me a child of special need? Of course, I have always been a fan of the sink or swim method and theory in general.

There are some who believe that Samantha chose me, rather than the notion that I created her. If this is true, I can only imagine the let down her little spirit feels getting the mom that can't yet process all that is in front of her and is constantly stumbling over herself trying to make things happen for Sam. It's like Ed McMahon showing up with the check at your door only to find out he's got the wrong address. Damn!

I really can't say "why me?" because the bottom line is it doesn't matter why. It still is me and I still have to just accept it and move forward. I do ask though, "Why Sam?" That one I do know the answer to....because she is destined for wondrous things and carries a light inside her that burns brighter than any understanding I will ever have. The spirit of those who love her that have passed is inside her and it shows in everything she does. I believe this world needs that little girl way more than she needs us. I can only imagine the lessons she will teach us all.