The "Married Single Parent"

It has never set well with me when people use the phrase, "Well, I'm a single parent." like that's some excuse for relying on the constant assistance of family. Now don't get me wrong, being a "single parent" is most assuredly one of the toughest jobs on earth. I know because by definition I am one too.

The definition of single parent (or solo parent) is a parent, not living with a spouse or partner, who has most of the day-to-day responsibilities in raising the child or children. A single parent is usually considered the primary caregiver, meaning the parent the children have residency with the majority of the time.

Given that Hubster's job has kept him from residing under the same roof as our family since around May of 2012, I believe I fully fall into the single parent category.  Despite this though I have managed to move 2800 miles across the country, set up and run a household, raise a child, care for myself, and cultivate relationships with others in my same situation. I have had no visits from either my or Hubster's parents. Not once have I had them pick up my child from school, offer free baby sitting, or even take Mini Me for just a few hours. You see, that isn't even an option for me as they all live 12 hours away. Every school meeting, every meal, every bath, every homework assignment, every temper tantrum, every decision, every late night filled with tears falls on me. If that's not single parenting I don't know what is.

I have, however, found some amazing friends who understand the hardships of being a married single parent and they have become the rock upon which I can lean when it all becomes too overwhelming for me to retain my sanity.

It hurts my heart a bit that those who are by definition family have made less of an impact and have not been able to provide the hands-on support like those who I have found the support from. However, that is the case for a lot of us living the military life. Rather than dwell on the unfairness of it, we carry each other and encourage the strength and abilities we know we all have in ourselves. People tell us all the time how we are so strong, and how they couldn't do it, and I'm sure they are right. However, being strong and independent is not a choice in our situation, it's a survival technique. Honestly, I cannot imagine what it would be like to rely on immediate family to get through the day to day at this point in my life.  I felt guilty when my parents took Mini Me just overnight when we were visiting a few summers ago!

As I prepare to once again move 2800 miles in order to be reunited with Hubster, I am thankful for the friends I have here, the ones who have been here for me during this separation, the ones who have called just to see how I am doing, the ones who will take my child for a few hours so I can pack boxes, the ones who will break their backs and sweat it out as they help me load the moving truck. I know, for a fact, that it is because of them I am strong and I can do this.