The Evolution of Friendship

I was recently asked about friendships that deteriorate over time leaving one person to feel as though they are no longer valued in a particular friendship.  This got me thinking and reflecting on the friendships I have formed, nurtured, and even lost over the last 25 years.

In a world of ever changing lifestyles, jobs, locations, and so much more, it is inevitable that not all friendships are going to stand the test of time and go the distance. I cannot even remember the names of some of the people that, at one point in my life, I considered friends or how/why the relationship took a turn down separate paths. Sometimes there really is no set event or encounter that causes a friendship to evolve or dissolve. Other times it's very clear why things took a turn.

Either way, I believe it is completely natural for this to happen. We don't leave this world with every person we ever called a friend by our bedside holding our hand. There's a reason for that. We aren't meant to!  There's a bit done by Tyler Perry that explains it so well. Friends are equated to leaves, branches, and roots. It's explained in a caring and easy to accept kind of way. I, myself, can remember a few friends who I used to spend every singe day with. We never went a day without talking and I thought, at the time, they would always be like this in my life. However, some of those friends have grown in other directions, some have dropped me with no explanation, and one even told me to never bother speaking to her again. Did that all hurt? Yes, but I got over it. Letting those friendships go opened more time and energy for me to develop new friendships, some of which mean more to me than any of those ever did.

Had I spent time and energy trying to hang on to a friendship that was obviously over, I would have missed that opportunity to meet someone new! In a conversation several years after the falling out I had with one of those dear friends, I made a comment about how it was strange how our friendship wasn't as close as it once had been. She simply replied..."We don't need it to be."  How very true. While we would never have back the same type of relationship, we were still friends in a way that we needed each other to be at this time. That was probably the most comforting thought ever!  We had been able to fight, grow, and age, taking a break from each other, and coming back still caring for one another. It was just facilitated in a very different way than originally.

So in the end, I think there are always going to be a lot of people we call friends in a lifetime. However, like the seasons change, so do our relationships and that is just fine. Let go of the ones when you see it's time for them to go. Continue to be kind, and friendly.  Just turn your focus on those who may be the ones to go the long haul.

Webster defines friend as: a favored companion. It's unrealistic to think you can be everyone's favorite!

My Mistake, Not Yours

Trust. There's a word that can take on many meanings. Broken trust. That's a phrase that can show itself in many different forms. By nature, I believe we are creatures inclined to trust each other. Of course, it's those closest to us we are drawn to trust the most.  However, it's when we have been hurt by those people that it cuts the deepest.

In general, I am not a person to sit and worry about what others think of me. I love my life, I am blessed beyond measure, and I see little reason to spend my valued time pondering the opinions of others. I said "in general."

I am also human, and there are certain people I have opened my life to that I would expect a higher level of maturity and respect from. Respect in the form of not talking about me behind my back.  Respect in the form of coming to me if you have a problem with me. Respect in the form of not posing as one who loves and cares for my children and family only to show truer colors when in certain company. Respect in the form of not hurting those I love dearly!  It's OK though. Some people just can't help who they are, and see no error in their ways. I can accept that. However, I was raised better than to allow those kind of people into my inner circle again, and will inevitably pull away over time.

The thing these kind of people fail to realize is that they aren't slick. They aren't operating without notice. There are a lot of us on to you, and on to the things you say about all of us. There's an old saying that goes, "If someone will talk about others to you, they will talk about you to others."  Might want to make sure you know your audience.

Long Overdue Thoughts

Once upon a time, I used to write. Daily, unforgivably, and with purpose, I would put my thoughts down for others to read. I provoked reactions, and offered insight. For whatever reason, I have gotten away from the ritual and habit of doing this. I miss it, and as a new year has arrived, I resolve to return to it. Writing, for me, is a release of frustration, a calling to be heard, and a means to reflect. So join me as I begin again, again. Follow this blog to enter the gates of my inner workings and get to know me better. Watch as I transform this space again to match my place in time as it stands. Hear stories of hope, struggle, and experience random thoughts that are sure to make you laugh. Welcome to 2018, and the revival of my writing!