This morning I read the blog of a friend in which she asked, "How has your life changed since 9/11/01? What sacrifices have you made in the name of war?" We all know where we were that day, and vividly remember the events that unfolded before our eyes. Her question though was how, specifically, had my life changed in relation to those events. So here's the list:
1. My husband has spent over 4 years time away from home, in the most horrendous environments, working 7 days a week, sustaining concussions, hearing loss, sleep deprivation, stress of survival, and the reality of kill or be killed.
2. This has left me with a husband, when he is home, that in no way resembles the man I married. He's jaded, hardened, closed off, quick to react, slow to engage, unable to communicate, and struggles to function in a family setting.
3. I have moved across the country and back multiple times, living in homes that are not mine, constantly uprooting, and starting over making friends, finding doctors, schools, mechanics, plumbers, vets, etc.
4. I have not only spent countless holidays alone and far from family, but have endured medical emergencies and death of family members on my own.
5. I have witnessed a government that allows military war strategies to be determined not my the knowledge and experience of our senior military leaders, but rather by political ambitions with no regard what so ever for the individual soldier.
6. I have stood at funerals and listened to TAPS and the 21 gun salute not for some random old guy that died, but for people we knew, that we loved, and that we have scars on our souls from losing.
7. I have held the hand of fellow military wives as their marriages disintegrated right before their eyes, due to their husbands returning from war damaged and unable to cope with the effects.
8. I have seen alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and suicide become the norm for so many struggling to deal with being sent into combat over and over and over.
9. I have watched as other soldiers have walked away from service to their country while my husband continues to re-enlist again and again knowing he has a purpose and a calling that our country needs. I sometimes envy those others and struggle to support my own.
10. I have come to live a very lonely life full of anger. My tolerance for petty complaints and self induced hardships is gone. I have little sympathy left to give. I don't care anymore about what reality TV show is on, or who won the super bowl, or that your husband missed Valentine's Day.
11. I am raising a child on my own without having failed at marriage. I hold her while she cries for her daddy. I try to be honest with her without exposing her to too much for her young age. She's only 7 and has not only been exposed to death but understands that it is "normal." To her it is no different that the first day of school each year. (Which for her has been 4 different schools in the last 5 years.)
So, no, I have not rationed my sugar or fuel. My father's company has not gone from making autos to planes, and I don't have to wait months for a letter from the war front like my grandparents did during WWII...but I think I have definitely make a few sacrifices since 9/11 and I know it sure has effected my day to day existence.
Amidst all of this though, it is the friends, like the one who asked, that I have made that get me through. It is them who understand and can relate. It is them who make the effort. It is them I share this life with and it is them I am forever thankful for.
http://www.standintheirboots.com/blog-posts/life-since-91101/
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Monday, September 2, 2013
The "Married Single Parent"
It has never set well with me when people use the phrase, "Well, I'm a single parent." like that's some excuse for relying on the constant assistance of family. Now don't get me wrong, being a "single parent" is most assuredly one of the toughest jobs on earth. I know because by definition I am one too.
The definition of single parent (or solo parent) is a parent, not living with a spouse or partner, who has most of the day-to-day responsibilities in raising the child or children. A single parent is usually considered the primary caregiver, meaning the parent the children have residency with the majority of the time.
Given that Hubster's job has kept him from residing under the same roof as our family since around May of 2012, I believe I fully fall into the single parent category. Despite this though I have managed to move 2800 miles across the country, set up and run a household, raise a child, care for myself, and cultivate relationships with others in my same situation. I have had no visits from either my or Hubster's parents. Not once have I had them pick up my child from school, offer free baby sitting, or even take Mini Me for just a few hours. You see, that isn't even an option for me as they all live 12 hours away. Every school meeting, every meal, every bath, every homework assignment, every temper tantrum, every decision, every late night filled with tears falls on me. If that's not single parenting I don't know what is.
I have, however, found some amazing friends who understand the hardships of being a married single parent and they have become the rock upon which I can lean when it all becomes too overwhelming for me to retain my sanity.
It hurts my heart a bit that those who are by definition family have made less of an impact and have not been able to provide the hands-on support like those who I have found the support from. However, that is the case for a lot of us living the military life. Rather than dwell on the unfairness of it, we carry each other and encourage the strength and abilities we know we all have in ourselves. People tell us all the time how we are so strong, and how they couldn't do it, and I'm sure they are right. However, being strong and independent is not a choice in our situation, it's a survival technique. Honestly, I cannot imagine what it would be like to rely on immediate family to get through the day to day at this point in my life. I felt guilty when my parents took Mini Me just overnight when we were visiting a few summers ago!
As I prepare to once again move 2800 miles in order to be reunited with Hubster, I am thankful for the friends I have here, the ones who have been here for me during this separation, the ones who have called just to see how I am doing, the ones who will take my child for a few hours so I can pack boxes, the ones who will break their backs and sweat it out as they help me load the moving truck. I know, for a fact, that it is because of them I am strong and I can do this.
The definition of single parent (or solo parent) is a parent, not living with a spouse or partner, who has most of the day-to-day responsibilities in raising the child or children. A single parent is usually considered the primary caregiver, meaning the parent the children have residency with the majority of the time.
Given that Hubster's job has kept him from residing under the same roof as our family since around May of 2012, I believe I fully fall into the single parent category. Despite this though I have managed to move 2800 miles across the country, set up and run a household, raise a child, care for myself, and cultivate relationships with others in my same situation. I have had no visits from either my or Hubster's parents. Not once have I had them pick up my child from school, offer free baby sitting, or even take Mini Me for just a few hours. You see, that isn't even an option for me as they all live 12 hours away. Every school meeting, every meal, every bath, every homework assignment, every temper tantrum, every decision, every late night filled with tears falls on me. If that's not single parenting I don't know what is.
I have, however, found some amazing friends who understand the hardships of being a married single parent and they have become the rock upon which I can lean when it all becomes too overwhelming for me to retain my sanity.
It hurts my heart a bit that those who are by definition family have made less of an impact and have not been able to provide the hands-on support like those who I have found the support from. However, that is the case for a lot of us living the military life. Rather than dwell on the unfairness of it, we carry each other and encourage the strength and abilities we know we all have in ourselves. People tell us all the time how we are so strong, and how they couldn't do it, and I'm sure they are right. However, being strong and independent is not a choice in our situation, it's a survival technique. Honestly, I cannot imagine what it would be like to rely on immediate family to get through the day to day at this point in my life. I felt guilty when my parents took Mini Me just overnight when we were visiting a few summers ago!
As I prepare to once again move 2800 miles in order to be reunited with Hubster, I am thankful for the friends I have here, the ones who have been here for me during this separation, the ones who have called just to see how I am doing, the ones who will take my child for a few hours so I can pack boxes, the ones who will break their backs and sweat it out as they help me load the moving truck. I know, for a fact, that it is because of them I am strong and I can do this.
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