Memorial Day

Once a year everyone gets all excited about the rising temperatures, the longer days, and the thoughts of heading to the lake for time with friends around grilled burgers and cold beers. It's the unofficial 1st day of summer; Memorial Day weekend. However, for those of us who carry the pain and loss of what the holiday was created to honor, it is not about joys, and laughs, and kicking off a new season. It is about rememberance. It is about honoring those who have given everything so that we can enjoy the freedoms afforded us. It is about the blood shed for this country on the battlefields. We pause this day to feel the pain and loss of our loved one, and the countless others, all over again. We pray harder for those still in the midst of fighting for our country. We shed tears for those we know will never come home. It's difficult for someone who has not experienced this first hand to fully appreciate the true meaning of it all. They are lucky. I envy them. As I celebrate this weekend without my own soldier at home, I am thankful to be surrounded by family. His family. Those who, if he were to ever join those we honor this weekend, would feel the pain just as deep as I would. While they don't share the day to day reality of my life as a military spouse, they do share the love for my soldier. I am blessed to be here with them. I encourage anyone who is fortunate enough to have never lost a loved one in battle to take just moment this weekend, put down the burger, turn off the tunes, raise your cold drink and toast those who lay under our feet in eternal rest having given their life for you. Please remember those who are still fighting and still in harms way for your freedom. God bless all of them, and bring them home safe. Happy Memorial Day.

Help Another..and Hug Your Child! Today!

Yesterday a massive tornado ripped through Oklahoma leveling an entire town and killing over 50 people, 20 of which were just children. As I read through the stories and view the surreal images, that seem more like the set of a horror movie than of some one's home town, one thing constantly stands out; help from strangers and clinging to our children.

Last year a man entered a grade school in Connecticut and viciously murdered and entire classroom of 1st graders. Our country all gasped in horror as the reports of these young lives lost came out. The thought that someone, or something, could happen to one community causing such devastation is hard to wrap your mind around. I do remember though seeing those two things emerge; help pouring in from strangers and clinging to our children.

It saddens me that it takes a disaster, man made or natural, to bring this kind of behavior to the forefront of our minds. It shouldn't be when we have lost everything that we are touched by the kindness of another. It shouldn't be when we witness someone lose their child that we take the time to hug our own and appreciate just the fact that they are alive.  We should think of these acts naturally, daily, and without hesitation.

I suppose I can take comfort in knowing that in the times of crisis there are those out there who will come to the aid of others. I just wish it didn't take something so drastic for it to happen.

We're Not in Kansas Anymore

Toast of the day: Here's to classic movies that we never grow tired of.

On this day we celebrate the wonderful author, actor, and independent film maker, Frank L Baum.  As the "man behind the curtain" of The Wizard of Oz stories, Mr. Baum created a world so well known and well loved that it is still one of the most popular movies of all time.  Spin offs have sprouted from his original creation and everyone knows that famous line, "There's no place like home."

As Dorthy opens the front door of Auntie Em's house and steps into the world of Oz, she looks around bewildered and amazed. With only her dog Toto as something familiar she says, "...We're not in Kansas anymore."  During her time in Oz she is blessed with making wonderful friends, faces unimaginable fears, witnesses strange and beautiful sights, believes in the power of others, and eventually realizes that she has the ability in herself she's been searching for all along.

Having been born and raised in Kansas, I always felt the opening of the movie was unfair. While there is dust, and tornadoes, and farms in Kansas...there is also some great beauty in the land. Golden waves of wheat go on for miles in the early summer, and the sky is so big and blue you can actually see the curve of the horizon. Portraying it in black and white was important for the movie, but for those of us from the flat state, well, we knew better.

Like Dorthy, I left Kansas as a young woman. I journeyed to somewhere new, unknown, and unfamiliar. I didn't know it when I arrived, but I would face some of my greatest fears here. Thankfully, I would also find the blessing of great friends too.  As I look back on the last 15 years I do feel like there are times when my life was in a tornado. I had no idea where we would land and what condition we would be in once back on solid ground. I have learned that when your family is so far away that having friends by your side is important. I've learned that there is a strength inside me I never thought I would have. I have traveled and seen some of the most beautiful land and creatures God, the author of my life, has ever created. In the end though, just like Dorthy, I know that there really is no place like home.

Thank you, Mr Baum, for sharing your imagination with us. Happy Birthday!

Speak Up

 

 I did this for WAY too long. I do not recommend it. Never again.

Why Some Days I Wish I Was the One Deployed (Raw copy)

 Can I get a HELL YES?!?!?

 
#1 Guys could not care less about holidays and celebrations.

We all know most men moan at the thought of having to celebrate pretty much anything that requires any effort on their part. When they miss Mother's Day or an anniversary or Valentine's Day due to a deployment they don't give a crap. If nothing else, they are thankful they didn't have to make the effort to acknowledge the day in any way other than maybe a card. There's no need to plan for a sitter, put on a clean shirt, and take your wife out to eat. They don't have that feeling of loneliness and emptiness sitting at home alone like us women do.

#2 Their time is their own to do with as they please.

They don't have to make sure laundry is done, dishes are washed, oil in the car gets changed, the toilets are cleaned, or the lawn is mowed. They can sleep in as late as they like, go to bed as late as they want, and spend their free time sitting in front of the TV or computer without interruption all weekend!

#3 The concept of parenting is lost.

The responsibility for making sure another human being is cared for is completely non-existent. They don't have to worry about homework, or tantrums, or field trips, or making and keeping doctor and dental appointments, or making meals that are going to provide some sort of nutritional value.  They get a break from the constant need for attention from a little human that demands games, and snacks, and "I don't want my hair brushed that way!"

#4 There's little to no repercussions for being a jerk to their spouse.

What's she going to do about it anyway? It's not like she can withhold sex or not talk to you.  HA!  Oh well. When you're already in different countries who cares if she stomps around the house or cries for an hour?  It's not like you have to actually deal with it.

#5 Everyone always asks how THEY are doing!

The spouse who is not at home is always the one everyone asks about. "Do they need anything? How are they holding up? Poor them, it must suck being away from home."  Um..yeah...no shit.  Guess what...IT SUCKS BEING LEFT BEHIND TOO!  God forbid if the stateside spouse complains about anything being hard to anyone, including the deployed soldier.  After all, THEY are the ones away from home and you can't make them feel guilty or bad for leaving you.  Geez, what a bitch.

I can relate to some of these some days and others on other days. They all feel to be the case at some point. 

My Name is Not Isabella

"Good morning, Isabella," says a mother to her daughter. "My name is not Isabella!" says the child.

She is Sally, the "greatest, toughest astronaut who ever was!" At breakfast she becomes Annie the sharpshooter, and then Rosa on the bus ride to school. When she gets home that afternoon, she is Marie, the scientist; then Elizabeth, the doctor; Mommy, the greatest mother; and, finally, Isabella again. She falls asleep thinking about who she will become tomorrow. Throughout the day, the mother good-humoredly encourages her daughter's flights of imagination.

The repetitive text, while somewhat contrived, serves to drive home the message that girls can do and be anything they want. The inclusion of motherhood in the list of worthwhile occupations is refreshing. The colorful mixed-media artwork reinforces the fanciful, upbeat tone of the book. An appendix gives more information on the lives and careers of all the women alluded to, and a list of works consulted presents opportunities for further research. Use this story to ignite young readers' interest in women's history.—Rachael Vilmar, Eastern Shore Regional Library, Salisbury, MD

This is, without a doubt, one of the best books Mini Me and I have read together. It shows that girls are more than just fairytale, make believe, beauty queen, princesses. It shows they can be amazing, strong, influential women.  REAL women; who write history and make huge contributions to the world!  If you have a daughter between the ages of 4 and 9, I HIGHLY recommend adding this book to your library.

Get your copy HERE

Bear With Me...or is it "Bare" With Me? Either Way...

I have spent the last week really looking into what it takes to write a quality blog. Man, oh man, is it more than just sitting down and typing out your thoughts!  There are people that actually do this for a living!  They have sponsors, and advertisers, and it is crazy!

I have no intent of ever taking this to that level, but I would like to know from you what it is you would like to read about.  After all, if you are a loyal follower and regular reader I need to know what it is that keeps you coming back.

So please comment below and help me take this to the next level. I will keep educating myself on how to write the best material for you and you keep checking in and SHARING what I post.

Thanks for the love!

Planning a Birthday Party...."Me" Style!

 Every year right around tax time I start thinking about what to do for Mini Me's birthday party. I am fortunate enough to have a child that chooses a theme usually about 8 months ahead of the date so I am able to scour the clearance bins and pick up stuff in an off season. For instance, this year she has picked an ocean theme. It's easy to find ocean party stuff in the closeout section when you are shopping for it in October! So my advice is to plan early and prep early.  The old saying goes, "The devil is in the details." If this is true, then I am going to burn for sure!  The details are my favorite part of any party. I love that anywhere you look there is a glimpse of the theme. I figure your birthday is the only day of the entire year that is just about YOU. So celebrate big and make it a memory that will last. Here is the planning schedule I have used:

  
3-4 weeks before your birthday party
1. Choose a party theme.
2. Create the guest list. Friends and relatives if you want a mixed party.
3. Pick the party date and time. Parties are generally 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 hours long.
4. Order or buy party supplies, decorations, party favors, activities and prizes for games. Be sure to order enough tableware for the adults that will attend, as well.


2-3 weeks before your birthday party
1.Send the invitations with an RSVP.
2.Decide on activities and games to play. Plan more games than you expect to use in case you run out of activities before the party is over.
3. Plan your menu.
4. Arrange for extra help on the party day from friends or relatives.


1 week before the party
1. Order cake from a bakery if you are not baking your own. Bake cake and freeze it, if making your own.
2. Make any other foods that can be made ahead of time and store foods in the freezer.
3.Write out a final schedule of activities for the party.
4.Let siblings invite a special friend over for the day so they won't feel left out. They can either play apart from the party or they can be helpers.


2-3 days before the birthday party
1. Buy remaining food for the party. Buy film and/or videotape. Check batteries for the camera and/or camcorder.
2. Get an exact guest count. Call those who haven't responded.


1 day before the birthday party
1.Finish decorating the cake, or pick up the cake from the bakery.
2.Make sure you have plenty of candles and matches.
3.Child-proof the party area.
4.Decorate any indoor areas (save outdoor decorating for the day of the party).
5.Prepare food that can be made ahead of time.


Party Day!
1. Prepare foods and beverages that could not be made ahead of time.
2. Take plenty of pictures and videos to commemorate this special day.

Take time to scour the Internet for ideas and tips.  There are websites dedicated just to party planning that have wonderful ideas, and with sites like Pinterest the possibilities are endless!

TBI and Looking for Answers

For those who truly suffer from this type of injury, the information and validity provided by this facility is invaluable.  As a spouse of a soldier living with TBI you can't even begin to explain the toll it takes on your loved one. It changes who they are. It takes away pieces of them. It causes countless challenges both mentally and physically. Whether unable to be recognized by the army, denied by them, or just ignored all together, this is a true injury our generation and our children will know all too well.

I am thankful that Mini Me's Godfather has the opportunity to been seen at NICoE. I pray it will help him with his situation, provide some answers, and maybe give him a little peace of mind too.  Watching this video was very emotional for me. Tears ran down my cheeks as I  recognized not only so much of what others have shared with me, but also things I see in my own soldier.

God bless men like Mr Arnold Fisher! "This is something the government should be doing. Yes, but they're not. So we will do it."

I paint my nails for ME.

Once upon a time I was a young full time working woman who got dressed in professional clothes each morning. I had perfected completing my hair and make up in a set 17 minute routine and proudly walked out the door at 8:43am on the dot ready to represent the company I worked for. 

Then at 26 years old I had a baby girl and became a stay home mother leaving the career in the dust and trying to embrace this new job that seemed to more than double my work with none of the pay.  Over time I lost interest in heals, skirts, the curling iron, and anything not made of 100% cotton.  My signature outfit became either jeans and a hoodie or yoga pants and a tank top.  I feel the need to interject here that I have owned probably 25 pair of yoga pants in the last 7 years and not once ever taken a yoga class. So if you think getting a pair will motivate you to actually do the activity...it won't. I also own 9 pair of Nike running shorts and never run further than to the mailbox.

Each morning I changed out of the sweats I had slept in into one of my 2 signature looks, tossed my ever growing, more and more root showing, hair into a ponytail and called it all good.  Even the simple act of painting my nails had become a lost art.  I knew when I put on jeans and a nice sweater and Hubster would ask, "What are you all dressed up for?" that things had taken a turn for sure!  Just the fact that I was not in tennis shoes was enough for him to notice!

So, I made the decision to find a balance. Hell, I am only 32 years old! I deserve to look good while the wrinkles are minimal and my boobs are still pointing somewhat north! So I started simple. I painted my nails....bright coral. I jumped into the deep end and avoided the past regulars of soft pink and tan. Then I went tanning.  2 years in the Pacific NW had turned my complexion grey and milky.  I began devoting 15 min a day to stretching and light weight resistance. I bought a new shirt. It was NOT from the athletic department!  I got my hair trimmed for the 1st time in 2 years.  It felt great to walk out of that salon!

The point is I made a decision to make an effort on myself. Waking up each morning and walking out the door after having showered and taken the time to care about how I look makes ME feel better. I couldn't care less if anyone else notices. I don't have it down to my 17 minute record yet, but that's OK because now I don't have to be out the door at 8:43 am. Just a small change like this has changed my whole perception of leaving the career field to stay home with my mini me. I no longer feel like I gave up being pretty and girly to be a mom. I feel like I am showing my daughter that taking pride in yourself and how you present yourself to the world is important. My example of self esteem and self confidence is strong for her now. That I can be proud of.

So if you don't have any...get yourself a bottle of neon nail polish; even if you only wear it once for fun!

Understanding the Call

When trying to understand the desire to serve our country for years on years on end with such difficulties it brings to a person's family life, I take to reading. I have read books on killing, the psychological effects of war on a person's mind, poetry, history books, and memoirs. It is in the reading of these things I am able to better understand the mindset behind these men. I can appreciate their love for both wife and war. I can respect their drive to fight for what they love. This morning I just wanted to share one of my very favorite pieces that pertains to the subject. I hope it speaks to you too.

To Lucasta, Going to War 

Tell me not, Sweet I am unkind, 

    That from the nunnery, 

Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind 

    To war and arms I fly. 

True, a new mistress I now chase, 

    The first foe in the field; 

And with a stronger faith embrace 

    A sword, a horse, a shield. 

Yet this inconsistency is such 

    As thou too shalt adore;

I could not love thee, Dear, so much,

    Loved I not Honour more.

 -Richard Lovelace

      (1618-1658)

The Seasons of Emotions

I read a book a few years ago about the 4 seasons of a marriage. It talked about how we go through the seasons over and over, though not always in the same order. Summers are a time of bliss, cohesion, and togetherness. Autumn is the oncoming of frustrations and challenges. Winter may be the midst of struggles and resentment, but with work and prayer you can again move into the Spring of rebuilding the relationship and transforming again into the Summer of it all. After 14 years of marriage I am able to look back and clearly see when we were in which season and how we came through the "Winters" to find ourselves once again in the "Summers."

I think this notion of a constant change, cycle, ebb and flow is also true of ourselves.  There are times when we are motivated, driven, productive, and riding high in the Summer sun. Recently I have had to endure a long, dark, depressing Winter of internal anger and frustration. Loneliness was felt constantly.  However, I feel like I am turning a new leaf. My buds are again starting to sprout and I can see the end of this cold season cycle. The more positive I get about the oncoming Spring, and eventually Summer, of my emotional state the faster it seems to be arriving.

It's healthy for the earth to give in to the cold and, on the surface, die from time to time. We can see this not as the end as long as the roots underneath are still there thriving to come up and bloom in all their glory and give the fruits of their labor again. So is true for each of us.

When we get to the end of our rope and feel like all we have to offer is withered and cold it's important to remember the cycle of the seasons. Don't forget that deep down there is still the strong roots that started from the smallest seed of ambition and, if you let it, it will return and bloom again.

Not Alone...

Today I had the opportunity to meet up with 2 gals I have had the pleasure of getting to know better over the last 6 months. I met them through a local support group for military wives. I normally steer clear of these types of groups but, for whatever reason, this one has drawn me in and I am so blessed that it has.

After the last few weeks of dealing with an intense internal anger spell, I desperately needed a day out of this house in the company of those who lift my spirit, share my feelings and frustrations, and understand what it is that I am going through. It takes a special kind of person to fill this role. To have found a group of ladies that help me through these rough times is a blessing beyond all expectations. I love that I can be totally open and honest about my life and my feelings and they don't judge me in the least and even offer words of encouragement and support. 

It felt so good to laugh and share and wander through stores aimlessly as we just enjoyed being together. As we sat down to lunch I thought to myself how very different each of us are as individuals; raised in different areas, different home lives, different educational backgrounds, beliefs, and so much more. Yet, we share a common thread that runs through each of us and ties us together in a way that is almost beyond explanation. That thread is so strong that it binds our spirits to each other in a way that we can't even bond with our own family members.  The shared struggle, the feeling of being tired and worn down, and the constant weight of what this life has given us is not erased by each other but the burden is lessened as we carry it together.  Honestly, it's more calming to know there are these amazing, genuine women in my life than the feeling I get from any of the prescribed remedies I have on hand.  I am still tired, and I am still worn down....they are too. However, we are Not Alone.

Oh, How the View Differs...

While journal writing a few weeks ago I somehow managed to use a baseball stadium as a metaphor for my life. I don't recall the exact words I wrote but the message was clear.

View from the cheap seats...

Picture yourself at a baseball game. You are sitting high up in the stadium. Look around you. The grass is green, clean cut, perfectly manicured. The players uniforms are crisp, white, and they all move on the field gracefully. The view is wide, big picture, seen from up high.

Stress of the game...

Now, imagine you are one of the players. Your seat is in the dugout, in the midst of the game. It's where the action is.  From that seat above you can imagine how exciting it is to be that player. However, as that player ,the view is very different. That grass is now slick from the moisture of the rain, it's unsure under your feet and dangerous. Your uniform is dusty, stained, and worn from wearing it game after game. Your teammates work together but not always in unison and just one of them making a mistake can cost you dearly.

How the world sees it...

This is kind of how I feel about the life of the military wife. In general we are viewed as the young woman hugging her husband as he returns home from war with our small child clinging to his leg. TV shows and movies have glorified our role and made it this twisted fairy tale. Shows like Army Wives and even the news spots of welcome home ceremonies have all played into this image. The view from afar has almost been romanticized.


 As you can tell from my previous posts this is not the case. So someday....I hope I get to just enjoy the view from the cheap seats. The reality of where the action is...not so fun.

Countless nights...

Endless days...